Up a Lazy River. Broadcast on The Mike Malloy Show February 07, 2012.
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Below is an excerpt. To read the rest of the words go here: http://www.voicesinourheads.com/2012/02/08/up-a-lazy-river/
I went to a treatment center for alcoholism 22 years ago.
How’s that for creating a 100% guaranteed awkward pause?
I know … I know … It’s one of the most repellant conversation openers topped only by, “Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Personal Lord and Savior?” Or better yet … sometimes you get the double whammy from some guy who found Gawd at a treatment center, turned his life around, and is now spreading The Good News as a Clean and Sober Christian ” Hallelujah!
If anybody starts talking to me about how they successfully kicked drugs or alcohol I try to make some positive noises while looking around for the exit. Of course I’m happy they solved their problem … I just don’t want to hear about it. It’s not that I lack empathy. I mean I certainly can relate to everything people have to deal with when lives simultaneously explode and implode because of alcoholism. But the details aren’t all that interesting. It’s like being cornered by a doddering relative at a family gathering and having to listen for the umpteenth time about how my second cousin (whom I’ve never met) had a heck of a time changing a flat tire during a snow storm in 1957 … or was it 59?
That said … I will now plow ahead into What Happened At The Treatment Center. But don’t worry. I didn’t find Jesus and I’m definitely not any “Friend of Bill…. I didn’t find a “Higher Power” and I leave it to others who’ve got the stamina to enter that wild goose chase. What I did learn was that a small dietary change consisting of no sugar, no caffeine, no refined carbohydrates — along with a couple of vitamin and mineral supplements — completely stops the craving for alcohol after about a week. I found it was pretty easy to stop doing something once I didn’t want it any more.
So here I am 22 years later because I still don’t have any physiological cravings for alcohol. It has nothing to do with Strength of Character, Will Power, or The Hand of Gawd. I don’t want any Lima beans either but nobody gets a chip after 22 years of successfully abstaining from that wretched legume.
